


You set my soul alight

by kirty



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Coming Out, Fluff, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-04
Updated: 2018-03-04
Packaged: 2019-03-27 02:39:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,296
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13871337
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kirty/pseuds/kirty
Summary: How "Trying To Live My Truth" came to be





	You set my soul alight

The planning

 

Dan had him read over the notes for the video before even filming. 

 

“Is that too much? Too explicit?” Dan is looking at him nervously.

 

“”When have you worried about being too explicit?” Phil asks with a smirk.

 

“You know what I mean, Phil, is it too much for you? should I get rid of the last bit?” 

 

“Don’t. I like it.” Phil knew what this implied. He couldn’t remember when was the last time they denied anything, but an actual confirmation felt like oversharing.

 

“Do you mean that?” Dan is looking at him with a soft smile now, like he’s reading his mind. 

 

“I do, Dan, we’ve come such a long way, I could not dream of asking you to take a step back just because I might not be quite there yet.”

 

“Ugh, why do you have to say such lovely things? I hate you.” Dans says looking a bit emotional, leaning  over from where he’s sitting to kiss him lightly. 

 

“I’m proud of you, babe, what can I say? Even if I’ll hide in shame under the bed for a couple weeks after you post this” 

 

The filming

 

Dan has at least five versions of this clip: 

 

“So, what makes me happy right now? naps, food and cute videos of puppies, so-”

 

“Right now, some of the stuff that makes me happy is, regular exercise, laughing a lot and keeping a journal.”

 

“What makes you happy right now? for me it’s a balance of not procrastinating but also not overworking.” 

 

He shows all of them to Phil, and all of them are true, all of those things make him happy, but in the end he chooses the one he filmed first, with the things he loves the most. 

 

“So okay, forget the future. What makes me happy in the present if that’s something that i’m trying to achieve, well that’s pretty simple: laughter, food and sex, so basically stuff coming in and out of my mouth, apparently.”

  
  


The posting

 

“It’s done. I’ve just edited the last of it.” Dan says, walking to sit next to Phil holding his laptop.

 

“When is it going up?” Phil feels butterflies in his stomach asking this. 

 

“I mean, it’s up, it’s ready to go, I just haven’t unprivated it yet. Should I? Maybe I should just not. Is it too much?  Should we watch it again?” Dan asks all of this without breathing. 

 

“Dan, we’ve watched a dozen times, just do it” Phil says smiling at him encouragingly.

 

“It’s fine, right? I felt like this when I posted my roast yourself challenge, and that was totally fine. The basically already know everything, in this one I’m just a bit more up front about it.”

 

“Exactly. They know. We know they know. They-” Phil stops as Dan rolls his eyes at him, laughing now. It’s sweet, really. Dan can tell Phil is teasing him to make him laugh, make him a bit less nervous about this thing.

 

“Ok, I’ll just-” Dan says, typing. “I’ve done it. I’ve just tweeted it. Look” Dan is smiling so big as he says this Phil thinks feeling a bit embarrassed is completely worth it, if it means seeing his boyfriend so happy.

 

The aftermath

 

“What are they saying?” Phil asks looking at Dan scroll on his laptop.

 

“They like it, mostly. A lot of screaming, a lot of “I’m dead” posts” Dan says, still smiling.

 

“See any nsfw phanart?” 

 

“Not yet. But i’m counting on it.” Dan says winking at Phil exaggeratedly. 

 

“You’re terrible. I love you” Phil says, inching closer to Dan to place a kiss on his cheek. He stays close to him, looking at Dans laptop.

 

“Ooh, I like that theory.” Phil says, pointing at a post on the screen. 

 

“As if I could just go out, flirt with a stranger, and fuck them.” Dan says scrunching his nose. 

 

“Is that slut shaming I hear, Daniel?” Phil says, pretending to look disapprovingly at Dan.

 

“I’m not! I’m just saying, I’m so awkward and clumsy, I wouldn’t know how to do that” 

 

“Oh yeah, I forget your flirting technique is a mix of a stalking and posting nudes.” Phil says laughing.

 

“Never going to let that one go, are you?” Dan asks raising an eyebrow at Phil.

 

“Nope. C’mon, it’s late, put your laptop away, let’s do something else.”  Phil says, slipping his hand under Dans sweater.

 

“What do you suggest we do, Phil?” Dan asks, closing his laptop and placing it on his bedside table.

 

“I have something for you to put in your mouth” Phil says trying not to laugh.

 

“Not subtle.” Dan says, already reaching for the waistband of Phils jeans.

 

Phils turn

 

He hasn’t done a liveshow since december 14. That was three months ago now. He knows he should do one, but he also knows he’s going to get questions about Dans video. Phil knows perfectly well how to avoid a question, but he’s not sure about this one. He doesn’t feel ready to say something as bold as Dan but ignoring it completely would feel like for every step Dan takes forward, Phil takes two steps backwards.

 

Dan looks at him questioningly when he sees the tweet. “Liveshow in one hour!” 

 

“Do you want to a joint liveshow? maybe if I’m there-” Dan starts saying, but Phil interrupts him.

 

“I’ll be fine, they probably won’t even ask me about it.” Phil says, hoping more than expecting not to be asked about it.

 

“Are you sure? it’s ok if you don’t want to say anything.” 

 

“I’ve got this.” Phil says, smiling reassuringly at Dan.

  
  


He has most definitely not got this. 

 

The question keeps popping up. He has only been on younow for twenty minutes and he has ignored about six different premium messages asking him to talk about Dans video. 

 

Phil is talking about a film right now, something they went to see last weekend, he decided next question he reads, he’s just going to get it over with.

 

“What did you think about Dans video? I liked it a lot, it was a good one, wasn’t it? I definitely believe we should all try to do stuff that actually makes us happy, there’s no point in doing something that makes you miserable just because it’s what you think you should do, or someone else says you should do it.”

“What’s something that makes you happy right now, Phil? said, who was that? I’m sorry, I didn’t really read your name, uuhh…” He’s stalling, he knows he is, but he makes a brave decision in a split second, he can feel himself blushing as he decides to just answer honestly: 

“My list is pretty similar to Dans, actually” 

Phils heart is racing, he reads the next ask a bit too fast trying in a hurry to change the subject, and actually manages to be smooth through the rest of the liveshow, says goodbye to everyone about half an hour later.

 

“I’m surprised you didn’t break younow.” Dan says behind him, startling him. “Wow, someone’s skittish” 

 

“Were you watching?” Phil asks.

 

“Um, yeah” Dan says, looking at Phil as if waiting for a reaction.

 

“What did I just do?!” Phil says starting to laugh. He’s relieved, that’s a weird one, he was so nervous a few minutes ago. Dan starts laughing too now that he can kind of tell Phil is not freaking out.

 

“Are you ok with it?” Dan asks.

 

“Mostly, yeah. Wasn’t very subtle, was I? I just feel like I gave too much of a confirmation.” Phil said, worried he gave too much away.

 

“I think it was just enough.” Dan says, smiling at him sweetly.

 

Phil might like to take smaller steps than Dan, but he’s never far behind.

**Author's Note:**

> [reblog it on tumblr](http://universequartzz.tumblr.com/post/171555428965/you-set-my-soul-alight-rating-t-word-count-1k)


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